After a couple weeks of being badgered by co-workers, I’ve forced myself to try the Spicy Baconator. The verdict? It’s fucking terrible. I took a picture of the greasy fucking mess. Check out the shine on this fucker! And what’s with the friggin’ bubble in the bacon? I mean, I’m just angry about the whole experience. Damn all of you who pushed me into it. Damn you to hell. ...
My Mom almost chipped a tooth on a walnut shell in a cookie. I was probably 9 or 10. She sent the company a letter to complain and a few weeks later a courier delivered a suitcase-sized box of various cookies. Until my wedding day I’d considered that the best day of my life. That’s apropos of nothing but it was a memory that crossed my mind today. Speaking of which, you know how they say that your life flashes before your eyes when you’re about to die? Well for whatever reason, and it’s probably chocolate bar-related, I can’t get my life to ever stop flashing before my eyes. I spend hours and days thinking about life 10 and 20 years ago. I gotta think this means I’m mentally retarded, which sucks because then I gotta face the fact that I’m retarded AND fat. ...
Stopped on the way home at Home Depot to pick up some chair rail for the baby’s room. Went in, measured up the wood and cut it. Pretty quiet in there so no one got in my way. Very nice. I found my way to the checkout and waited behind a couple who had some appliances and a cart full of stuff. About 2 minutes passed and I moved ahead as the couple left. I rested the 5 lengths of wood on the ground and the fun began. ...
Well, what’s new. My Knight Rider video is up to over 5,000 views on YouTube. That’s pretty cool. I hope to get a call from Hollywood any day now. Umm, let’s see. This site is now blocked by my company’s firewall. That’s a pretty big shame. Normally I’d kill 3-4 hours a day working on posts here but now I’ve gotta squeeze something half-assed like this in between walking the dogs and dropping a deuce. We all suffer, really. ...
Well I guess those videos have been simmering here long enough. Hope y’all enjoyed them. The Knight Rider one has been watched over 2,400 times on YouTube, so I guess I’m just a little bit awesome. Yay me! Cheers to Joe and Pat who wrote, directed, produced and shot it, all in about 20 minutes under the sweet Florida sun! Jeers to the young lady at the pool who cut short my poolside masturbation scene. ...
Hot on the heels of last week’s Hasselhoff revival in Knight Rider 2008, we now present Baywatch 2008. Enjoy!
Well, well. Look who’s back. Yep, me. Where have I been? Right here, my friends. Been doing nothing at all but growing a goatee. It’s exhausting. Almost as exhausting as trying to explain to Kyle that there’s no such thing as a cure for gay. Oh, hey, check this out. I found a trailer for a new Knight Rider movie that’s coming out. It seems to star a young John Candy… hey wait a minute… THAT’S ME! ...
Dave goes to Florida. Does he die? Well, he’s back at work so what do you think, asshole?! Click on the picture for all the photographic evidence!
Not sure how I’ve waited this long to mention it, but on the Saturday night I went down to Florida and we went out to a club, I found myself in a good old fashioned dance off. I guess as I was wobbling around acting retarded I bumped this guy’s chick in the arm. He got all pissed off and started calling me names and I screamed at him that his girlfriend was a stinky whore. He didn’t take too kindly to that. He began to motion for everyone to leave the dance floor. I guess he was friends with the DJ because it only took a complicated hand gesture from this dude to get that guy to start spinning Drop It Like It’s Hot by the great Mr. Snoop Dogg. ...
I played volleyball with a toddler on Sunday. That was cool. I think he got hurt pretty bad.