Just returned from my Florida weekend. Damn good times. Have many photos and some stellar videos to share. Off to bed right now. Thanks to Florida Joe, Florida Pat and Calgary “Hamster Dick” Matt!
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Not around right now. Haven’t posted any of Beth’s wrestling domination in a while so here’s her latest RAW match. She makes fun of Mickie James for crying earlier. I made fun of Mickie James for crying too but aside from that one eye-level tile in the shower I don’t think anyone saw it.
So I was supposed to leave for Florida today. Weather ruined that. Flight was canceled. Nothing left all day or tomorrow morning. Re-booked for tomorrow evening. Southwest airlines customer service lady Peggy had a deep Southern accent. She was helpful and seemed sincerely sorry. The next dude had an unintelligible name and an even deeper accent. He acted like he was making a huge batch of deer jerky and was in a rush to tend to it. Last call was to a soulful woman named Linda. She was efficient without being overly gracious. My requests were all met and she even gave me a giggle by pretending the adjustment of my return flight required senior approval. Oh Linda, you are a magical delight. I hope when you get home your husband treats you to a choke-free Friday. You’ve earned it. ...
In a former life I was a cigar cutter living on a remote mountainside in Europe. Everyday I’d have a basket of berries and cheese delivered to me. Having no digestive system, I told the delivery boy “No thanks” and asked that he not waste his time visiting me. He acknowledged that he understood, but each day would return as though we’d never had that discussion. A few years went by and I felt my springs weakening from age and lack of use. I decided it was time for one final cut. ...
During my brief stint as a worthless human being in late ‘95, early ‘96, I had a notion to write an autobiography. It was going to be called “This Mind of Mine,” because at the time I thought I was smarter and better than everyone. I now realize that I may not be and that coming up with such a title proves I’ve got problems. What was this book going to be about? I suppose it was going to detail my late night sub feedings and the time I ate two Burger King chicken sandwiches and threw up. It was probably going to conclude with the tale of me eating 3 full tubes of Pringles and then (again) throwing up. The preface would later be written by my future college roommate “Poobag.” He was going to write about my first ever experience with the “Century Club” drinking game where the grand finale saw me run to the washroom and throw up. You know, the more I try to mock myself here, the more I think this is a fabulous idea. The book is back on, baby!! ...
Assembled the garbage the other night and found myself with one large bag of refuse that wouldn’t fit into the garbage can. I lost a couple hours of sleep over it, but I was eventually able to drift off once the rye kicked in. Woke the next morning and prepared to head off to work. As I stood in the driveway, I took a look next door and saw that they only had one small can of garbage at the curb and neither of their vehicles were present. I looked around to be sure no other neighbours were watching, said a couple Hail Mary’s and hastily tossed the bag by their driveway. I then got the hell outta there. Everything seems to have worked out just fine. I mean, everything worked out fine for me but the Baltic hooker I had stuffed into that bag might have quite a different tale to tell. A different tale indeed! ...
Back in the Summer of ‘69 I got into a fight with a girl. I wouldn’t say I’m proud of it, but it was pretty awesome. Right when she thought she had me, I headbutted her. Knocked her out cold. Her Mom came over and started hitting me with a broom just as I was about to start pissing on her daughter’s stiff teenage frame. She was right to do it. ...
Woke this morning and put on my Monday’s finest. Headed out around twenty to nine. Planned to stop in the Falls for gas but started day dreaming of what I might smell like on the inside and ended up driving right by. Stopped a bit later on in Beamsville where I celebrated the frigid weather with a coffee and bagel. I tipped the girl 4 cents and drove away with my head held high. ...
Took a few days off because I got stuck in the freezer. Opened it up for a frosty snack and thought I saw something waving at me from behind the ice cubes. Reached way in and got my watch stuck on the tray holder. Dogs, cats and wife walked by me a good 60 to 80 times and none of them cared to dislodge me. None of them owe me a thing, so I wasn’t really surprised. ...