Stopped on the way home at Home Depot to pick up some chair rail for the baby’s room. Went in, measured up the wood and cut it. Pretty quiet in there so no one got in my way. Very nice. I found my way to the checkout and waited behind a couple who had some appliances and a cart full of stuff. About 2 minutes passed and I moved ahead as the couple left. I rested the 5 lengths of wood on the ground and the fun began.
The cashier dude was a listless lad in his 20’s and I find myself quickly aware of the fact that he skipped the deodorant today. I’m also given the impression that he may be a mute as he isn’t responding to what I’m saying. I tell him, “It’s 33 feet total. It’s all the same stuff,” but dude doesn’t say shit back. He pulls out his tape measure and starts measuring the first piece. He punches “8” on the cash register as a line behind me begins to form.
I figure I was obligated to try again in the off chance he just didn’t hear me. “You know what, the total of all of them is 33 feet.” He mumbled something but it definitely wasn’t, “Got it. Thanks, brotha,” and he handed me back the 8-foot piece and took another. “Um, that one’s 8 feet too.” For the first time he looked at me. Wow. Then he punched in “8” without measuring it. I figure I’m in the clear and Stinky’s gonna take my word for the rest. I look at the jerks behind me and give them a can-you-believe-this-fuckin’-guy glance. At least he’s gonna get movin’ now… ah FUCK. He’s reaching for the 10-foot piece!
“Uhh. That one’s 10 feet,” I say, but I know it’s game over and he’s gonna measure them all. I grin and bear it as another 3 minutes pass before he’s done. I pay and get the F outta there.
Don’t get me wrong, I know he was just doing his job, but I guarantee you he could have done it quicker and with a little better communication. Cashier dude, I hope that bumper on your ‘83 Accord finally defeats the shoelace you have holding it up and that the bumper falls beneath that rust bucket, blows out your tires and you wipe out. I’d like your rusty fireball to miss all oncoming traffic and ideally slam into a snow bank or ferris wheel. A 33-foot tall ferris wheel, you goofy shit heap.