Went to bed around 12:15 am last night. Proud of myself, I was. Tossed and turned my bulk for over an hour, then gave in. Went back downstairs and Pokered a bit, tweaked some insignificant stuff on this site, surfed some softcore, listened to the birds start their day, then headed back to bed around 5:15 am. Got a little over 2 hours of sleep, then off to the meat factory. ...
So Claire’s brother Simon was born with only 3 legs (Claire is our new kitten). You probably think it’s sad, but this short video might change your mind. He’s courageous enough to take on a 4-legged far fluffier feline. After watching this you’ll cry, laugh and then want to take a wooden chair to your old man’s back for calling you a fag when you were in Grade 2. Enjoy! ...
So it’s been a busy May. This is the 23rd post I’ve made, and it will be my last for this month. Got home late last night after a long day at work. Consumed well over a thousand calories for dinner while sitting in my car, then continued on home. Last night kicked off my BLT diet. Here’s the deal: Back in ‘97 I would end virtually every day with a delicious BLT sub from Avonmart (sometimes two!). Because they were good? No. Because they were $2.99. Well, the price has skyrocketed to $4.49, but it’s still less than Subway or Quizno’s. ...
Another fabulous day of weather. Smooth drive into work. Time flew by. Couple of pops, then a smooth drive home. What can I say. Sat here watching Claire as I had the TV on. She was struggling to keep herself awake. She was sitting upright and her eyes would close and she would almost fall over before catching herself at the last moment. I was jealous. I can’t recall the last time I actually exerted myself so hard physically in a day that I was falling over tired. I sit in the car. I sit at work. I sit at home. It’s amazing I’m not just one big hemorrhoid with glasses. ...
Well, the weather was lovely today. Even snapped a picture as I walked out of Woodbine at about 6:24 pm. Went to Tim Horton’s for a coffee, a bagel and then Petro Canada for some gas before hitting the highway. Fifteen minutes down the road I passed the Ford plant and stopped dead in traffic. No problem. This kinda thing’s pretty standard. Stop and go. Go and stop. After 20 minutes, it wasn’t looking good, but I’m rather content – The bagel’s sitting nicely in my gut and with a fresh coffee at my side, I’m far from losing it. ...
So Kat brought home a new cat for us the other day. I wanted no part of it since our house is already full of animals and our current cat hates everything, but gotta admit that she’s grown on me. I’ve named her Claire (after the cheerleader on Heroes… yes, I’m a loser). She seems well behaved, with only one errant floor turd so far (even I’m not perfect). The dogs seem to have taken a liking to her, though Sunny’s affection borders on abuse. ...
I knew this camera phone would come in handy. While wasting away my day off, I once again stumbled upon the most awesome guy in the World. Yep, this guy: You’ll remember him from an earlier posting of mine here. Now it’s clear for all to see just how he’s able to pull off this marvel of engineering. An entire 24-case of dirt cheap Lucky Lager nestled carefully beneath his bony, unemployed frame. ...
I drove home with a brownie passenger today. I buckled him in safe. He badmouthed my driving, so I tore his head off and ate 20 of his internal organs. That shut him up. He started being belligerent again and I had no more room for his tasty organs, so at the gas station I locked him in the trunk. I kept the organs down by eating two bags of chips and some refreshing water. ...
Got to bed at a reasonable time last night and I was still fucking sleepy this morning. I guess when you’re morbidly obese it really doesn’t matter if you’re well rested. Headed off to work. A hot chick in tight pants and high heels was getting stuff out of her trunk so I kept an eye on her to make sure she was okay. Those heels can be tricky. She was fine. ...
So yesterday was Canada Day. Got up at 8 and finished the fence for Kat’s garden. Hoping for good things from that little endeavour. Cut the grass. Hung up a plant. Whacked some weeds. Left for work. Got to Mohawk around 2:30. Always a nice drive there. And what a wonderful place this was to me. Worked there frequently from late ‘99 to early 2001. I recall a fantastic shit there. Remember eating a roast beef sandwich and having it liquefy my insides. Had to rush to the washroom. Not sure which was louder: the assplosions or my giggling at the intensity of my assplosions. I couldn’t contain myself on either end. It was awesome. ...