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Woke up today and felt like doing nothing. Kat felt like doing something. Guess who won? As it would turn out the grunt work we got into paid off. The patio stones are being overcrowded by weeds that grow between. So we’ve got to lift them, clean out underneath, lay landscape fabric and put ’em back. I’ve been dreading doing this for 6 years and it being so fucking hot this week doesn’t exactly motivate me. I sat at work yesterday and was sopping with sweat having done nothing. Arbuckle stopped by to mooch some gum and turning to speak with him caused further beads of creamy Barnhardt juice to roll down my back. But I digress… ...

Woke up. Went to work. Came home. Did nothing. Please enjoy one of my favourite sketches from Kids In the Hall: Your browser does not support the audio element.

Day off as I worked yesterday. Woke around 9:45 and decided to roll with it. Kat unearthed a higher quality pillow for me last night and dusted the dog hair and excrement off the bed. I’ve told her the excrement was also from the dogs but there’s no way it’s not mine. Put some work into Tim’s laptop and then decided to go for another ride on the bike. Stopped first to give some contraband entertainment to Kyle at the shop. He was working on Dan’s man van which is a sweet minivan painted rape red. Dan took every opportunity to “light up” the tires Saturday night on that biatch. It’s got a bumper sticker that says, “I’m only speeding because I have to poop!” The fact that Dan so boldly makes light of his biological faults that sees him shitting up to 80 times a day is both troubling and inspiring. ...

As the title suggests, yesterday’s flurry of activity ended with some head pain. I’m guessing it was something I ate, or the fact that my body now fully rejects exercise of any kind. Woke shortly after Noon. A solid sleep-in by any standards. Headed outside and cut the grass. Stepped in a whole lotta dog shit. Whacked some weeds. Threw on some shitless shoes and hopped on the bike. Went down to the Peace Bridge and continued on past Asian eateries and dead sidewalk squirrels. A gentleman gives me a far-too-boisterous, “Hey buddy. How ‘ya doing?” I laugh at him and return a, “Hey.” Exactly what his problem was, I’m not sure. ...

Went to work today and it felt mostly productive. This evening saw a terrific storm that took out a few trees. Came home and watched a bit of a movie, then grew tired. Now we’re off to bed. Keep it real, homies. Your browser does not support the audio element.

Got up and took the Corolla in for an oil change. Sipped away at a hazelnut coffee as I waited. The Fort Erie Toyota dealer sucks so much less than the other two I’ve been to in St. Catharines and Toronto. Local guys have yet to dick me around and are extremely friendly. So friendly I was offered my choice of hj or bj along with the warm beverage. I think we know which I chose. ...

Woke in the middle of the night shaking like a 230-pound leaf. So fucking cold I didn’t think I’d live to see today. Noticed Kat had a blanket on her so I gently removed it and used it to warm my bulk. Slept better from that point on. Got up around 8. Parted my hair. Killed some ants. Ate a bagel with a Coke. Got into the car and drove to work. ...

With each passing morning it gets increasingly difficult to unwrap myself from the bedsheets. Fuck me. Finished some running around, then headed into work. An awesomely cold day for June. Blustery too. Got out of the car and a sheet of somewhat important paper ejected itself from my passenger seat and began to zoom across the parking lot. I took a sip of coffee and decided to initiate a pursuit. The paper and I met eyes as it paused between a couple of cars to catch it’s breath. I ensured the paper that things would be different from now on and convinced it to return to the car. When we got home I pushed it down a flight of stairs and told it to be more careful next time. ...

The intense struggle to get my fat ass out of bed and into work was rewarded by the best parking spot available for the non-disabled, non-courier, non-security employees of Woodbine (see pic). Setting aside the day I thought I shit my pants but didn’t, this was one of my greatest. A very productive day at the slumber yard. Productive in the sense that I got a large amount of things accomplished except the one thing I’d set out to get accomplished. Was that one thing, “To watch an episode of Degrassi”? Nope, did that. ...

So yesterday I got up at 8 to go see Kat at her first horse jumping show of the year. Was hot as a bastard in Fonthill. Kat’s horse “Milton” was less than cooperative and after making a few jumps, he zigged, Kat zagged and she bit the dust. She’s such a little trooper and was back up again and had a far better trip. I gotta think if that was me I would’ve broken both ankles and with eyes full of tears I’d have curled into a ball until someone with a wheelbarrow or dump truck came to wisk me away. Get on a horse again? Not without pissing myself. ...