I drove home with a brownie passenger today.
I buckled him in safe.
He badmouthed my driving, so I tore his head off and ate 20 of his internal organs.
That shut him up.
He started being belligerent again and I had no more room for his tasty organs, so at the gas station I locked him in the trunk.
I kept the organs down by eating two bags of chips and some refreshing water.
When I got home, I further strengthened the trap by adding a layer of potato salad.
I then whacked some weeds and put an air conditioner into a window with all the patience of a mother watching her son set fire to her house.
I will now top things off with a little Coke and rye.
And a nap.
Then three days off to slam my head into a wall.
I’m a valiant hero in a way I shouldn’t be proud of.