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The other day I stopped at the Royal Bank in Ridgeway to deposit a cheque. As I walked into the front vestibule (underused word of the century) I saw that one of the two ATM machines was in use by a middle-aged man. An elderly man stood some 10 feet or so back from the other one and he turned in my direction when he saw me come in. The man signalled me over to him with a finger wave and a glint in his eye worthy of an other Worldly wizard king. Well, an other Worldly wizard king wearing a Chrysler baseball cap. Nonetheless, he spoke in a gentle tone when he said, “I’m not too familiar with these machines. Do you think you could give me a hand?” I said, “Absolutely.” ...

Hey, without being prodded or threatened to do so at all, I’ve posted a more thorough account of Samantha and Kevin’s wedding from April. I even dusted off the hilarious comment generator, again, without provocation or an angry talking to in any way, shape or form. Now click on the pic below to see the gallery and your Sunday will be an unnoticeably happier one.

Been sick for a few days, alright? Back off. Get your own sore throat. Had a few stops to make yesterday on my way in to work… Dropped my son off at the sitter’s in Ridgeway. As we waited for her to come to the door, I noticed a fly or two and a bee around my legs. I looked down and saw a mangled frog lying on it’s back surrounded by blood and worms were coming out of it’s mouth. I presume the worms were the frog’s last meal, or maybe someone had staged the whole thing. Anyway, I kicked it aside with a powerful Barnhardt wallop that sent it flying a good 20 some odd inches away. Froggy made me think back to the time I was cutting grass at my Mom’s and I came around a tree and before I could stop I rolled over a sizeable frog that was sitting there. When it came out the other side of the tire, it looked 100% the same as when it went in. So either it flexed all it’s muscles and walked away a bit later unscathed or the 650 lb tractor (and perhaps 230 pounds atop it) turned the frog’s innards into a frog innard smoothy and it was later eaten by a neighbourhood kitty. You believe what you want to believe. ...

I made the life-altering decision this morning to wear Blacky – my favourite black polo shirt, but a shirt with an issue. A little while back I was throwing a cat down some stairs and she scratched me. This resulted in a thread hanging out of the shirt near my left nipple (or at least where my left nipple should be; I’m certain it was placed carelessly). So anyway, that thread become a small hole in the shirt, which I was well aware of when I commenced my dressing ceremony this morning. I put a white undershirt on and Blacky on top. Sweet baby Jesus, I could see the white shirt through the hole. ...

On my way in to work, I believe I saw a stripper/weed whacking girl on the side of the road. What did she see? A fat nerd in a grey car taking her picture with his Blackberry and an old guy in a white Malibu* beating his dick like it owed him money. *Please someone, correct me if that’s not a Malibu in the picture. I don’t want to make mistakes here. Not like this. Not like this. ...

Anyone else have a dream last night where Jeff Girdlestone was getting beaten by his mother about the face and buttocks with a large metal beaver whilst father Girdlestone hummed No Son of Mine by Genesis? No? Just me. Probably for the best. Finished watching the new Transformers movie. Didn’t like it. Not a fan of the new look of the Transformers at all. Part of the appeal of the original toys and cartoon was to say, hey, look, dude’s armpit is actually a tailpipe or hey, that odd robot has antenna legs. Now you can’t make out shit. It just looks like a big mess of belt buckles and screwdrivers. And how about the part near the end where someone’s silhouette appears and they throw popcorn on someone else. Blocks out half the picture. You think they would have fixed that up before releasing it. ...

I’ve got a few ideas buzzing around in my head for ways to revamp the site. I won’t share any of them with you because I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Needless to say, it’ll have to involve an easier way for me to get content on here. All my spare time is occupied by my most valiant attempts at becoming an alcoholic. I’m doing fairly well at it, thanks for asking. ...

Re-edited the Beam wedding post again to re-inject some goodness. Now I’m gonna go re-inject some cheddar cheese into my stomach. Peace. Love. Barnhardt.

Hmm. Updated that last post after receiving some hate mail about my photo comments. No problem, I’ll just go back to eating lots of stuff and talking about it. No one gets hurt that way ‘cept me.

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