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Chewbacca, you smug mother fucker.

The digital camera containing this photo was recently found during construction at Ground Zero. On that day America lost it’s innocence and one man saw $80 in highlights go down the drain.

One week without a post. How tragic. What’s been going on? Busy at work. Also took Katrina to see We Will Rock You yesterday in Toronto. Pretty good. Will have to revisit some Queen music to see why I don’t love them more. That Suzie McNeil chick from Rockstar INXS was in the show. Pretty damn hot. Almost a bit of a Debbie Gibson thing goin’ on (and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!). ...

Well, not me, that’s for sure. Unless my magical powers are growing chins and wearing the same shirt for 5 days straight. Joe and Pat are trying out for the SciFi channel’s second season of Who Wants To Be A Superhero. They had Beth write up a script and enlisted the help of Dan and Shaun as performers. I played the behind-the-scenes role of slow-witted, stocky editor. ...

So we all got together for Shaun’s birthday a little over 2 weeks ago. Photos have surfaced, including a great shot of the ill-fated sushi boat. I went all Vishnu on that mother fucker and it didn’t stand a chance. The Kyle-Jenny offspring was throwin’ punches like Ali and Girdy was downin’ fish like it was a cure for baldness. Classic. Afterwards I told the group to go to hell and rushed home to hang out with my new friends, my laptop and a tube of crackers, both of which have far more promising futures than any of those other jerks. ...

Owen Xavier Barnhardt slipped the surly bonds of earth to touch the face of God as he passed away peacefully at 1:20 am this morning. We trust that he’s running through the coloured plastic tubes of heaven right now. RIP you lovable, photogenic dude.

So last night I thought it’d be a good idea to give some of this herbal laxative tea a try. Not because I was have poo-related issues, but I’d had it in the cupboard for a few years and seemed like it’d be a good story to tell if my ass exploded on the way to work. Well, I had a nice morning crud and then was fine for the way in to work. However, the lunch hour saw me ass pissing in the crapper. Then we got sent home early due to the storm heading our way. (As you can see from the picture, it wasn’t a good day to be driving or stealing children). The usual 1:45 ride home ended up being a 4:30 record breaker! About 2 hours into the drive, my innards told me that it was time to round out the hat trick. A McDonald’s restaurant was the recipient of my third ass blast. ...

STEELFACE My name is Steelface. I’m 23 years old and I work as a janitor at the City’s Underground. I wipe up your toilet seat drippings and your secret under-bench earwax. My boss Jane once told me I look like a “can of smashed assholes” and I’ve never recovered. The only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is that I recently discovered that I’m indestructible. Let me clarify: only from my neck up can I not be hurt. Take a knife to my midsection and I’ll fold just like any of you assholes. So please, if you’re gonna shoot, aim high. ...

In the interest of science, and for the amusement of the masses, I made it my mission to produce an entertaining post tonight. The mingling of Diet Coke and Canadian Club (aged 12 years, just the way I like it) have created this monster. Allow me to show you the artistic awesomeness I produced shortly after the third part of the Grey’s Anatomy finale. #1 - Me eating Pringles. ...

Absolutely nothing is going on. Nothing. Absolutely. Nothing.