Ran into FortErieKevin tonight at Walmart. The Thursday night Beam. Sam, see you tomorrow. I was grabbing some non-weiner related meds, onions, sour cream, crackers and… wait a second. What are these?
Well, I do enjoy things that are pickled so I’ll overlook the absence of “Artificial Anything” and the coked up, maraca-toting, monster-cocked party bean on the label. These might go well in a heavily-vodka’d caesar. Sure.
Got home and ripped the jar open double quick. The first thing to greet my eye was not an extreme bean, but an extreme 6-inch black hair. Goddammit! Confirmed with the wife that it was a hair. Confirmed furthermore that I wasn’t a monster for wanting to consume the beans despite the hair. Confirmed.
I emailed the company right away, because… complaining is for winners?? Sent pictures of the label and the hair and told them my harrowing tale. They emailed back an hour later saying they “have incredibly high food safety standards” and the guy said “it’s the first time I have heard of it in one of our jars.” They want to “send some new jars” if I’d like.
Ooh. Tough call. I don’t want them to think I only emailed to get free stuff (I did). On the other hand, perhaps accepting the free beans will teach them a lesson (it won’t). Seems more like a Friday decision so I’ll sleep on this (watch TV ’till 2 am, take a poop, snore ’till dawn).