Got the windshield in the Corolla replaced yesterday morning. I bounced a stinky homeless child off it a couple weeks ago and the resulting crack caused the memory of that child to linger. I’ve got enough shit going through my head. I don’t need that.
Then went to work and picked up some geekery on the way in. I asked the guy for a piece of hardware at the geek emporium and he answered, “Um, it doesn’t work that way.” Three seconds later he said, “Oh, wait” and repeated back to me exactly what I had asked him for, followed by, “You’ll find those in isle 22.” You worthless balding c word. I dumb down my request and deliberately talk slower than is called for, and what does it get me? One more jelly bean of rage to add to the jar.
Work was work, then I headed home. Kat called to give me the OK to stop at MacDonald’s for a Big Mac. It was some kinda special day where part of my Big Mac money goes to a child who needs something. I didn’t partake as I’d just finished hoovering a piece of pizza at work. I rolled that pizza up and swallowed it like a pill, washing it down with a tall, cool cup of Pepsi. Unlike a pill, it cured nothing.
Day off today. Had the windows open to sleep, then the fuckin’ birds came out. 4:30 am and I gotta waddle my fat ass over to the windows to shut ’em down. My inability to stay asleep when small noises occur has been described by many, including my mother, as “faggoty.”
Got up at 9. Off to the mother’s for some lawn raking where I enjoyed some chips and toast with cold butter that wouldn’t friggin’ spread (didn’t even slow me down a wink). Then took Kat’s truck to Niagara Falls to get some windows tinted. Awesome job. Awesome jobs always lead to Burger King. I enjoyed a Whopper and a frosty cup o’ rootbeer. Got the truck washed, came home, installed a new cabin filter in it, shined up the tires, cut the grass, whacked some weeds, did some dishes, went to Canadian Tire, came home, tried to diagnose an ant problem by pouring gas on the side of the house, another trip to Canadian Tire, came home, started dinner, watched Grey’s Anatomy, typing this, then bed.
And back at it all again tomorrow. Birds: We meet again in a little over 5 hours, you cheerful motherfuckers.