Driving to the babysitter’s this morning I felt an itch on my left leg. I went to scratch it and felt an obvious bump between my pants and leg meat. I kinda freaked out and started mashing at the mound to kill whatever was trying to impregnate my flesh with it’s devil seed.
Being less careful than I should have to not ditch the car and kill myself and my beautiful child, I continued to pound my pants and work the mound down and out the bottom.
After arriving at my destination and handing over my offspring, I returned to the car and inspected the driver’s side footwell. I found a mostly dead inch-long caterpillar creature. His rear area was oozing what appeared to be antifreeze but I’ll go ahead and assume it was mushy caterpillar organs.
As he writhed in pain I humourously put an imaginary thought bubble over his head region and filled it with, “What? You think that was fun for me? Do you EVER wash?!” Then I removed him with a kleenex and smashed him between my shoe and the gravel.
Hope your stinky ankle to mid-thigh escapade was worth it, you furry, harmless, gentle soul.