Now for the second installment of Stupid Things I Did In My Room in the ’80s, a follow-up to The Day Dave Became an Anteater from earlier this year.
I’ve always had this problem where I can’t stop thinking about shit late at night. I’ll toss and turn for hours. I remember even when I was 10 or 11 staying up until 3 am struggling desperately to find something to watch on TV (this was before we had cable so it was rough). Some nights I’d rearrange my room just for something to do, but I digress.
One night I couldn’t sleep and decided to read. Not an easy task as I was still sharing a room with my brother and he’d piss and moan if I’d turned on the light. So I got the idea to turn on my light, aim it at the ceiling and toss a pair of sweatpants over it to act as a dimmer.
Ten minutes later, I was halfway through my Choose Your Own Adventure (and fairing quite well), when I started to detect an odour. I turned around to see smoke billowing from my sweatpants which appeared to be on fire. Yep, that’s right, the sweatpants were actually sitting on the bulb causing them to cook severely and my quiet midnight read had gone horribly wrong. Andrew awoke from his slumber and gave me shit. I conceded my retardation and tossed the crispy pants somewhere to simmer.
To celebrate that moment in time, I’m bringing back my side-part from 1989. You can see me rockin’ it here at Grade 8 graduation:
Only difference now is that the side-part is fortified with “product.” If you see me sporting it around town, please don’t stare. Give me a high-five and move on.
I believe 1989 may’ve been the year I peeked socially, which isn’t saying much. It was also the last time I saw a sub-200 lb figure on the scale. Well, I guess ants are fatty. And now let’s all sit back and enjoy a classic ‘80’s rock ballad, shall we?