Friday, September 28th, 2007
I’ve been given at least two good reasons to go gay today: 1/ As I was poking fun at Dave, our obese friend, my eyes caught sight of what can only be described as a greasy hurricane of lard beneath his first chin. I’ve never been so disgusted by a man in my life, and 2/ We took a walk on a trail in the woods. I stopped to tie my shoe and when I looked up, everyone was gone. I searched and searched to no avail when all of a sudden this curly-haired girl jumped out and attacked me with a tongue that seemed to go on for miles. I succumbed to her charms and we made passionate love as woodland critters rejoiced. I think my days with Joe may be numbered.
Thursday, October 4th, 2007
Today Joe asked me if we could introduce more Transformers into our love making. I told him absolutely not and said it’d be best if he slept in the backyard. As he was grabbing a pillow and blanket he tried to force a Bumble Bee mask on me so I punched him in the junk and he started to cry. I swear, if this guy wasn’t such a whiz with crunching numbers I would have dumped him a long time ago.
Sunday, October 7th, 2007
I was on WWE No Mercy tonight and won the Women’s title! SUCK IT!! I rushed home afterwards and found Joe was wacked out on PCP. I asked if he’d seen my match and he asked if the Earth still only had 3 moons. I tossed him 80 bucks and asked him to get the F out. He agreed, but rather than using the door, he insisted on punching himself a hole in the drywall. Several hours later he realized the futility of his attempt and jumped out the window. He was bleeding pretty bad when I last saw him running at top speed for Taco Bell. Good luck, Joe.
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