Last night (it’s just past midnight, I know… fuck you) saw the crew get together for, like, the 17th consecutive New Year’s Eve house party. By “crew,” we’re not talking about the same crew of old. There were 100% fewer Carolan’s there than usual. About 8 times the normal number of children. And if anyone walking by was in desperate need of some brokerage (which, yes, I assume is a commodity, just like cheese), there were 5 more people than 15 years ago at the party who could’ve helped out.

Few fun facts about the evening…

  • Aaron aka “Nugget” aka “Pedro” aka “Aaron E-cup” Zammit, wore a $250 leather jacket over a $70 Sabres hoody over a $2 white econo T-shirt… while he drank a $2.70 Ricard’s Red beer; that’s right… the beverage set him back more than the undergarment; bravo you pathetic bastard, bravo
  • I saw three people wearing pleather pants; Stacey was rocking them hard, bad knee and all; Stephen Cooper’s wife was wearing them; and at about 9:45 pm, while I was chatting with Adam Girdlestone and he started droning on about all the money he’s saving by avoiding anything resembling a normal life, I peered over his shoulder to see Dan Zammit navigating the concrete walkway to the front door; he was positively beaming, though he was having a bit of trouble walking comfortably… in his fire red PLEATHER pants! I watched him look over to the front window and see the girls and their pants and he froze in his tracks; his eyes welled up with tears and embarrassment and he got the hell outta there
  • To put a smile on the faces of my peers, at several times throughout the night I dipped puff pastries into salsa con queso and sucked ’em back like Tylenol; heads up, if you do this, there’s a strong possibility that you’ll find yourself in bed at 3:30 am, too tired to stand up, too nauseous to sleep and too full of pride to allow yourself to lie there and vomit on yourself; you’ll make promises to several imaginary religious figures that you’ll never do this again if he just lets this pass; you’ll breathe deeply and convert as much of this imminent puke into butt gas and eventually win the war and find yourself waking up very late the next morning, vomit free and alive to see another day; oh yeah, side note… may not have been the salsa con queso pastries… before the party I did my “one can dine for $9.05” trick at Wendy’s; $4 nugget and jr bacon cheeseburger meals… why choose just one? I didn’t… and I won’t… ever