After a Sunday where I ate probably twice my usual number of brownies, I thought it would be mature and responsible to get on the treadmill. And so I did.
About 30 minutes in, it starts acting up and gives me an E1 error message on the display. When it’s happened before I’ve just started it back up and it’s been fine. Even Kyle Mester’ed the thing and put lube on it, but still the E1’s. After the error tonight I turned it back on and it scrolled LUBE BELT on the display. This has also happened before, whether I’ve lubed it or not. This thing’s an idiot, I’ve always figured. Tonight I decided not to overthink it and give it the lube it was asking for. Maybe previous times I just didn’t lube it enough and it was too dry, aka the Dan Zammit. So I gave ’er a good dose of silicone, started ’er back up and walked and jogged on ’er for another 25 mins.
Afterwards it donned on me that maybe the thing was talking about me. Maybe it wanted me to lube my belt. Maybe it had been watching out the window each morning when I drop my fat ass into the car to go to work and seen what, in it’s opinion, is an unhealthy amount of friction along my waistline. Perhaps my bagel drippings have gummed up the works and the cream cheese and sesame seeds have worked together to form a sort of sandpaper down there.
Aaaaaand now I’m gonna go lick my waistbands.