I’m not a fan of Halloween. Pretty sure I was as a kid, but something ruined it. Perhaps it was that one year in the early 80’s when we were trick-or-treating through Crescent Park and I saw something that messed me up. Just as we were approaching a house we saw some dudes drinking in the yard next door and setting up a wooden cross. I watched them poor gasoline on it and set it on fire. No kidding. I remember it scared the shit out of me. Even if it was a goofy Halloween thing, that’s pretty fucked up. Not as bad as that drunken Halloween about 10 years ago when I dressed up as a toilet and let a woman shit into me, but pretty close.
Do have one amusing memory about October 31st, probably ’95. The circle of friends went out for Halloween. Those of us who love the holiday (read: those of us whose last names begin with C and end with olan) got dressed up as WWE wrestlers and went trick-or-treating. While walking down a street in Crescent Park, we saw some douchebags from high school drive past. They turned around and came back, slowing down to launch some eggs at us.
Think Cliffy got hit and someone else narrowly avoided the same. Not satisfied, the shitheads turned around for another pass. They again slowed down and lobbed an egg into our group. In the most amazing display of reflexes, judgement and timing, Kyle caught the egg mid air and quickly lobbed it back. It went through the open passenger window of the car and we heard someone from inside shout “Fuck!” as they took off never to return.
This begs the question, how can Kyle emulate Jack Burton’s move from the end of Big Trouble in Little China and defeat our Halloween foes in dramatic fashion but when I take my car to him for an oil change he manages to forget a screwdriver under my hood and shatter my license plate cover?