Did you know...

… that some time last year I actually Googled “how to be an alcoholic without anyone noticing”? Much the way an ambitious teenager Googles “how to join the armed forces,” I set out on a fact finding mission. I learned that if you’re going to be getting wasted on the job then you should “Keep Quiet – People tend to slur their speeches when drunk. They also tend to lose track of the volume of their voice. If you’re trying to avoid getting caught drinking, try to keep quiet and listen.” Hmm. I’ve never enjoyed talking and I’m quite good at pretending to listen. However, the article said that I’d have to stick to vodka so that killed it. I’m not a fan of vodka… nor is the roommate of my buddy from college who had to clean my puke from her toilet and vanity after a rowdy night where Barnhardt thought he could handle vodka shots. Barnhardt could not handle vodka shots. He could handle saying “I’ve gotta go pee” and never returning. Some might say he’s an expert at that.